


I bet you kiss your knuckles before they touch my cheek

by Moonie_mars



Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Additional Warnings Apply, Alternate Universe, Kai is Transgender, Kai is a baby, M/M, PLEASE DON'T SENT HATE, Really violent behavior, Soobin and yeonjun are supportive, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, Violence, WARNINGS ARE THERE FOR SOME REASON, be careful, he gets huyr a lot, really a lot, sorry - Freeform, warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-30 08:37:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18312065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonie_mars/pseuds/Moonie_mars
Summary: Kai just wants to be himself, living under his parent roof doesn't make it an option and this time one mistake costs him way too much for him to actually bear.-This is kind of graffic, Kai is transgender but still inside the closet, one day his father catches his on the act and goes full on ballistic.I'm bad at summaries





	I bet you kiss your knuckles before they touch my cheek

**Author's Note:**

> Please please be careful with this, it shows transphobia and really violent behavior.
> 
> I wrote this because it is still a reality where I live so please be understanding and careful okay. 
> 
> I'm actually transgender myself and my parents don't know, and this is well some kind of thing, my dad won't beat me to death but I'm pretty sure a lot of things will go down hill fro me when I tell them. 
> 
> I'm sorry

Kai looked down at himself smiling, he moved turning his body side to side to get a good look of himself, he thanked the gods that his body actually lacked the curves almost every girl wanted to have, at least one thing in his life was good.

The binder on his chest wasn’t as uncomfortable as he thought it would be, actually it was just like a pressure there, but after sometime he was sure to almost completely forget about it; he had bought it after months of saving because he had read way too many stories about cheap or bad binders and he really wanted to avoid that.

Kai smiled, his cheeks coming alive with a healthy blush, it was for a small moment there that he could actually look at himself and not feel trapped under someone else’s body, like he was seeing himself for the first time and not an stranger in the mirror.

The large yellow hoodie engulfed him completely, he had asked his hyung to lend it too him, now months after he still had it, it was his favourite after all, and Soobin had a soft spot for him so his hyung never scolded him for keeping the item, he had also bought a pair of straight jeans that didn’t clung to his legs, making the little curves he did have on his legs practically disappear.

Sure he couldn’t do anything about his more feminine features on his face or his partially long hair, except not using make up and tying his hair in a bun in the middle of his head so if you looked at him you could only see his bangs and that’s it, giving the illusion of the short hair he actually wanted to have but knew that his parents wouldn’t let him get anytime soon.

He was full on grinning looking at himself on the large mirror in his room, he took his phone from the bed taking a photo to send to his hyung who always supported him, asking for validation he knew he couldn’t get anywhere else, his parents were out of the house and so were his sisters, his siblings on some project or out with friends while his parents had gone grocery shopping, it was a Thursday afternoon and the perfect opportunity for him to finally try on the binder he had bought on Monday. 

It had been an nerve wrecking adventure, he was with Yeonjun Hyung because Soobin was way too shy for the task and Kai had then asked the older, Yeonjun had accepted and actually made the while process his hand holding Kais all the time, the younger had looked down not wanting to be seen by the maybe not judging eyes of the shop assistant, but still, they were in a trans shop, a small establishment on a not so popular area, still he felt all the eyes in world on him, on his skirt and long hair, he felt like the world was watching him, judging him for not being what he was supposed to be, for not being normal or right. 

The warmness of his hyungs hand on his made it better, but there was only so much his hyungs could do to protect him, his phone started to buzz with notifications and Kai just knew Soobin must have told Yeonjun about his photo because the elder was demanding more, he made a video call with both of them, smiling shyly at his camera when both of his hyungs faces appeared in his phone. 

Soobin told him how cute he looked, Yeonjun saying something equal and then telling him to let them see him from afar to actually appreciate his looks “you can also use an snapback for your hair kai” said Yeonjun smiling at his cute dongsaeng from the other side of the screen. “it would actually be better” said Soobin and Kai went to look for one coming back to his hyungs range of view so they could see him now hiding his long hair inside the snapback, they were right, he looked better. 

It was the happiest he has been in a while, looking how he actually wanted to be, feeling like he belonged at least for a second, that he wasn’t actually born as a girl, that he was a man, a boy still growing, that he was normal. The words of encouragement from his elders made him feel loved, the blush on his cheeks felt like it would stay permanently on his face from all the kind words of his hyungs and his cheeks started to hurt even from smiling so much. 

He was so delighted that he completely lost track of time, his hyungs now discussing about how cute he was and how they would help him to look more manly when his door opened, Kai who was standing at that point with the phone on his hand let it fall from the flaring panic. His heart jumping to his mouth when he saw his father standing in front of him.

The anger in his eyes lighted like fireworks and before he could actually moved rough hands were on him in an instant. 

“what the hell do you think you’re doing!?” the booming deep voice of his father made him flinch, but he had a dead grip on one of his arms, his hair falling free because of the rough treatment, the cold blue eyes of his father burned like ice, making Kai cower under them “nothing nothing I swear” Kai tried to explain, tried to make something up but his words fell like a jumbled mess from his mouth the fear mixing with pain and panic enabling him to function correctly. 

“what it’s all this huh?” his father asked vice aggressive shaking Kai whose body trembled under his father aggressive hold “what are this fucking clothes? “ he almost yelled while soon tears started to fall from the younger eyes, he was pleading his father to stop, that he was scaring him, but it fell on deaf ears, it felt like the floor had given out from under his feet sending him into an abyss, but in reality his father had thrown him to the floor, lithe body flying until the harsh contact of the floor made all the air leave his lungs for a second. 

Kai cried out in pain, and he could hear his mother’s panicked voice from downstairs her footstep coming up from the stairs, he pleaded, he said sorry over and over, the looming figure of his father coming closer, it wasn’t the first time this happened, his father had found him trying to trying bind his chest once with bandages from the first kit, he had hit him so hard he had to sport a cut lip all week, it had been awkward after that to say the least. 

Kai had been more careful with his choices then, it had been almost a year since the accident, now though, he was lucky if he walked put of this one alive, he knew it, his mother wouldn’t say anything and his sisters would turn a blind eye to his bruises, he would have look down again and be the submissive daughter his father wanted him to be. 

Kai wanted to fight back, he did. But he was powerless under his fathers fist. 

“didn’t we have this talk already” his father got closer and Kai could only shiver on the ground crying but gasping for air at the same time. A cry left his lips when his father pulled him to his feet by his hair, the pain was like no other, and Kai felt like his father wanted to pull his hair off by sheer force “da-dad please” he said but his father didn’t listen, he sneered on his face making him flinch. 

“you are a fucking girl” he sneered while tears kept pouring down Kais face “do I need to show you?” he asked and Kai shook his head, or at least tried his fathers hand still pulling his hair painfully tight, Kais own hands were gripping his fathers arm trying to lessen the pain trying to pull away.

“no dad please” he cried but his father didn’t listen he dragged him to the bathroom, Kai pleading and stumbling all the way, his eyes fell on his mother the second they got out of his room and he pleaded her, he called for her to stop her husband, he called for her to help him, but his mother only looked the other way, it made Kai cry harder. 

He was thrown into the bathroom and r free stumbled, face almost coming in contact to the sink, his father didn’t waist time getting inside too, and he wrenched the hoodie from his body leaving him in only his binder to hide his chest. One look at the item of clothing and his father made a face as if the simple existence of it offended his eyes, Kai crossed his arms over his chest ashamed and humiliated. 

“what the hell are you wearing” his fathers voice sounded like a growl, a monster Kai had grown to fear over his life, he couldn’t answer he couldn’t move, his body had gone in overdrive, so many overwhelming feeling reducing him to a crying mess and only that, his father didn’t waste anytime after that. 

Kai felt the tug from one of the straps and his father yanked with such force it broke, losing the pressure to hide what he hated so much, “you think this will make you a boy?!” his father yelled while still holding onto the broken part of the item “you think you can become a man if you use this shit” he yelled, but Kai could only cry and cower under his father. 

“what do you see there huh?” his father asked his other hand pulling his face up by his hair again making him look at the mirror in front of them, Kai looked at himself, his skinny and pale frame, the broken binder that now barely covered his chest, he saw his long hair in disarray, his face red and blotchy from all the crying, he saw the image he hated so much. 

“what do you see girl? “ his father asked again shaking him then proceeding to hold Kais face between his hand squeezing so much it made his whole head throb in then “look at you” he yelled “fucking look at you!” he raised his vice, Kai would have been on the ground by now if it weren’t for his father’s grip on him “you’re a girl, a fucking girl!” his father screamed almost smashing his head against the mirror, Kai felt humiliation flowing trough his veins.   
Who did he wanted to fool, his father was right, he could only cry harder. 

“if you’re not going to accept that then I’m going to make you” his father growled throwing him to the ground, Kai. Landed with a thud on the cold tiles, his elbow and shoulder getting the worst, but fear didn’t allowed him to feel beyond his despair in that second, he heard his father in buckling his belt, the sound making more alarms go off inside his head and he tried to get up from the floor, he Reid to move, to run. 

He heard it before hr felt it, the deep pain with and hit like fire licking his skin, it made him howl in pain, the next one came quickly and without a second thought, it brought him crashing to the ground again, and while the hits kept coming he tried to make himself small as possible, body becoming a ball of limbs that desperately teid to protect his most sensitive parts. 

The beating went on and on, Kai didn’t know when it ended, he passed out when his father started to use him as a punching bag. 

-

Yeonjun and Soobin both realized what was happening when they heard Kais father voice come muffled from the other side, they had never ran so fast in their life’s out of their house and into their cars, the call never ending both hearing Kais pleads, his cries for help. 

It froze their blood when they heard him get way from the call, Soobin almost crashed against a few cars, Yeonjun ruined over some trash bins, but they didn’t actually cared, the screams of help burned their ways inside their brains, it engrained itself there, sure to come back in nightmares for both of them, the reminder that they couldn’t do anything but listen while they trek to get closer to their dongsaeng.

The first to arrive was Soobin, he lived closer to the younger and he rang the doorbell like a mad man, hitting the door, calling for someone to open it, he had to trespass trough the back to get inside, Yeonjun arrived just in time to see him run to the back, he followed soon after the younger. 

Soobin ran upstairs, there was no sign of anyone in the house but the screams could be heard from downstairs, he ran all the way up, Yeonjun just behind him, they Both came to a bleeding passed out kai on the ground while his father was still hitting him.

Yeonjun could only see red for a few seconds when he realized what was happening in front of him, the next thing he realized, Kais father was on the floor, holding a bleeding nose while his own left hand hurt, Soobin had to pull him off of the other to help him take Kai to a hospital. 

The both of them were eerily silent, it hung on the air thick and heavy, it was hard to think, hard to breath, Soobin could feel the blood seeping into his clothes from where Kai had a wound on his head and from his nose, he could feel the others warmness slowly trickling away, he could feel it, but his brain wouldn’t actually registered it, the deep red colour just seemed foreigner on his skin. 

They drove in silence, with the scent of blood and the heavy feeling of knowing everything would have to change.


End file.
